What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 20:01
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I said to her
2025 NASCAR Xfinity Series entry list for Autódromo Hermanos Rodríguez - NASCAR.com
I was scared of men, in general
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Gemini on Android can now figure out what music you're listening to - Android Central
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One cannot live in the past .
Im still living with it.
Diablo II: Resurrected Ladder Season 11 Coming Soon - Blizzard News
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Apple’s new iPadOS has given my iPad a new lease of life - Creative Bloq
I was 9 years of age.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She wouldn,t have been !
I waited trembling.
Is LGBTQ destroying the world?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Rory McIlroy destroys tee marker but survives cut at U.S. Open - NBC Sports
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What did i know ?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
TV Ratings: Game 7 Gives NBA Finals a Six-Year High - The Hollywood Reporter
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Apple's Terminal App Gets Colorful Redesign in macOS Tahoe - MacRumors
So, i spoilt her more .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Who then, do I blame.?
What are the easy romantic novels to read to read for beginners?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So whats the point in blame.
New Report Details Knicks’ Jalen Brunson Concern Before Firing Tom Thibodeau - Sports Illustrated
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Raleigh passes Bench for most HRs by catcher before All-Star break -- in 14 fewer games! - MLB.com
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was very sick at this time too.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He resisted the act ,that day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Especially a lifetime of it.
Would this be the day?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I write beautiful poetry .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And i lived it daily.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Put me off passion for life!!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I have no regrets .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I will be 64.
She found it foreign!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She married twice! .
I don,t even have a pension.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Ive learnt so much.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is soul school!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Comes on , in middle age.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
When she asked me how she looked .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was seconnd youngest,
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We were not on the streets..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My family never makes their pension either.
I think the readers, may guess!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She loved him until the end.
I could never make a relationship work though!
All the time i was locked up.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My life is so biszare .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Was to survive, this bastard.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She was in good health!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We all went to grammer schools
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But it wasn’t much.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But, we were locked up after school.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It was going to be , some day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He knew the spot.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I know ,a lot about trauma.